Have you ever been at a point in your Christian walk where you seem to be spinning your wheels and not going anywhere? Boy, I have. I was in a spiritual desert a few years ago and couldn't explain why.
I had no joy; nothing seemed to work out in my favor; I was short-tempered and bitter. The bottom line is that I was miserable and felt tormented. I had lost my joy and my inner peace.
I was angry at a lot of people, and I had bottled it up inside me; I was furious at a lot of people who had taken advantage of me physically in my teen years, several supervisors who had made false allegations against me, family members who used me, and friends who had borrowed large sums of money and had never paid it back. The list went on and on. One thing after another had piled up over the years, and I was angry at them all. I wanted revenge! They had stolen my joy, I thought!
While driving home after work one day, I heard a short program on the radio from Focus on The Family's founder, Dr. James Dobson. He started talking about Christians not having the joy of the Lord and how Satan was robbing us of our peace, which is a gift the Lord wants us to have. He explained some of the root causes, which hit me as he described my life on the radio that evening. He told me that I had been done wrong, and I wanted revenge, just as Big James and John wanted in the series of the CHOSEN after the Samaritans spit at them and Jesus while visiting their land; they wanted Jesus to call down fire and consume them. In many ways, I felt the same way.
Dr. Dobson explained that I didn't need to seek revenge and that keeping all this bottled up inside was wrong- it was a sin! He said I needed forgiveness, and as Jesus said in the Beatitudes, we must turn the other cheek. Dr. Dobson said I needed to forgive. He recommended writing a Forgiveness Letter to each person I was struggling with. That wasn't what I wanted to hear; instead of writing letters and turning the other cheek, I wanted to turn a knife in their back.
Retaliation is what most people expect and how worldly people act. I was not acting like a Christian at all. Turning the other cheek requires help from on high. Responding to hatred with love and ignoring personal slights displays the supernatural power of the indwelling Holy Spirit.
A few days passed, and I felt I couldn't bring myself to ask all these people for forgiveness because they had done me wrong. So, I thought I'd ask my Pastor about my dilemma. So, I did, and he agreed with the Forgiveness Letter process and added additional tasks to my forthcoming letter writing. He said, "Pray for all those who did you wrong." I left his office, about to explode. Not only was God telling me to write letters to these people, but now I needed to pray for them!
After calming down, the Holy Spirit comforted me and said, yes, I needed to write the letters for forgiveness, but I also needed to pray for each person I addressed. So, I began by listing the things that had been done to me, those who had done me wrong, and those I had done wrong. The list ended up having about 15 names or so. Wow, I thought, such a long list; where do I start?
I prayed, and with the list in my hand, I sat down and began to type and write. The more I wrote, the easier it got, but the more I cried; eventually, the crying became weeping, and finally, I was lying on the floor in tears. God began peeling away the years of hate, anger, and desire for vengeance. God was healing me.
For me, forgiveness involved:
Acknowledging the hurt or harm that I had caused.
Giving apologies.
Letting go of negative feelings toward the person or situation.
Not expecting an apology in return.
I knew this was right; I realized that forgiving others was no longer an option. It was a commandment by Jesus himself. Forgiveness conforms us to the image of Christ in both attitude and behavior. Remember, He forgave us first, and we must follow His example.
Forgiving is challenging and costly. Forgiveness cost God His only Son. Forgiveness cost Jesus Christ His life. Forgiveness will cost you if you move forward with a Forgiveness Letter. It allowed me to move forward and rebuild trust in several cases. If you write a similar letter, you may do so in a journal, an old-school letter on paper like I did, or online in one of many forms. The delivery process is not important; the most important thing is to be sincere and open with your thoughts and feelings.
Through these physical letters, I learned that confession is imperative to receiving forgiveness. As I wrote letter after letter, I felt the freedom that true confession and redemption brought.
Jesus also reminded me that no sin is too great to forgive. He died to forgive all sins, including mine. I began to see how we, as Christians, could have the audacity not to ignore one for whom Christ died. But then Satan threw this at me, "You can forgive, but you can't forget," The Holy Spirit then reminded me that you can't always forget. God created man with marvelous memory banks. Mental pictures of brilliant autumn leaves, snow-capped mountains, and spring buds would not last beyond the season without them. Life's joys and sorrows would fade into oblivion. Education would be useless. Experience would be well-spent. Thank God for memory.
But regarding these past offenses, I would never commit the same acts and remember past crimes so that you marvel at the shed blood of Jesus Christ. Only God can forget sin. He has not given us that ability. However, memory does not have to bring pain. Christ heals the injuries of the past, too, and when I dropped those 15 or so letters into the mailbox that day, it felt as if the weight of the world had lifted off my shoulders. Step one in the healing process had begun.
I was being restored; I knew Jesus was healing my broken heart. He released me from the spiritual bondage of the tormentors I had been with due to my unforgiveness. He comforted me as I mourned over the offenses committed against me and those I had committed.
The letters were in the mail, and I stood there looking at the mailbox, wondering if I would receive any responses. It didn't matter at that point. By following through and writing these forgiveness letters, God rewarded me with His Joy and Peace and with beauty instead of ashes, gladness instead of mourning, and praise instead of despair.
It all began with a letter. The choice to forgive is ours. Will you?
Michael
Powerful testimony of restoration in Jesus Christ. Thank you so much for sharing!